It´s not only you. We all have lots of insecurities most of the time. Sometimes they are just a subtle feeling, but they also may come as a major crisis. And they all have some prevalent causes. Here you will find what I believe are the three main ones, and what to do about them.
1 – Our Ancient Brain Configuration
For most of our existence as species, we lived in tribes in the jungle. To live in cities surrounded by all sorts of abundance and securities is very new on the evolutionary scale.
Our brain configuration still works towards making sure that we are ok with everyone because in the past that gave us survival advantages. To be excluded from the tribe used to mean no food, no protection, no dating, so we built this strong trend to please and appease. In the eyes of this old brain configuration, not being liked is life-threatening.
The result is social anxiety – we are always afraid that people will not like or reject us.
2 – We Overestimate Other People
In the dynamics of the tribe, status was vital. The leader and his family ate better, were better protected, had more opportunities to mate. As not everyone could be the leader, most people went for option two for survival, that is, to subject to the leader.
To justify my submission, I had to build a story in my head that the leader was somehow better than me. This is probably the root of our need to look up to someone.
The problem is that this mind arrangement keeps making us believe that nearly everyone else is better than us.
Social media made it louder. It tells us that all our friends have perfect holidays, partners and families. We usually forget that that friend looking so confident and happy on that Instagram post, carries the same old configuration, with all the insecurities, struggles and anxieties than everyone else.
3 – We Believe Everyone Is Paying Attention to Us
We have this false belief that people are observing and evaluating us all the time.
The truth is that everyone cares mostly about just one thing: themselves. It may sound depressing, but no one is concerned about you or me. We are all thinking about ourselves and how we feel.
This apparent selfishness may seem bad, but this is what enabled us to survive and thrive as a species. Without it, we would have been extinct like the dinosaurs a long time ago.
Conclusion
When you see those old feelings starting to creep out, remember that this is part of your old brain configuration, nothing else. Remind yourself that this is not going to kill you, even though it feels like it will.
Don´t forget that nearly everyone else goes through the same struggles, and tries to hide them by appearing something they are not.
Happiness is a solo business. Of course, we all need other people. We are fundamentally social beings. But it´s your contentment with yourself that will position you to enjoy great relationships. Not the other way around. It is actually a choice. The earlier you realise it, the sooner you can start feeling better about you and your life.
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